Save the Japanese Part 3

There is a movement here in Japan to nominate Japanese cuisine to the UNESCO World Heritage list. A noble effort indeed, but perhaps a more pressing agenda might be to place the Japanese themselves on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species! As I have posted in previous articles here and here, the Japanese are in grave danger of becoming extinct.
All of the signs are bad and looking worse.

• Japan's population is in decline, likely to fall to 1950s levels in only 40 years, never mind 90 years from now.
• Japanese young people don't want to get married. (complete report from the Japanese government here – in Japanese)
• Japanese young people are not even that interested in sex.

This is another Panda affair – a cute species, sitting around gnawing on its unique cuisine, but oblivious to the doom that awaits just beyond the bamboo grove or right outside the sushi bar.
What can be done to turn these trends around and save the Japanese from extinction? It's a desperate situation. If nothing is done, someone will be turning out the lights in vast areas of Japan in as little as 40 years.
Some agencies and individuals are trying to reverse this decline.
As I posted recently, the Yakuza (Japanese mafia) are doing their bit to encourage marriage. Baseball teams, private businesses, and even local governments have tried to get involved in konkatsu, promoting marriage. Of course, yours truly has tried to do his part, as you can read in the links above.
Despite these efforts the trend is bleak.
And then I read that the National Police Agency (NPA) is cracking down on marriages with foreigners, calling some of them "bogus" and suggesting that they may be "creating the infrastructure for a host of other criminal activities". "Other" criminal activities!
Are they kidding me?
This is no time to be cracking down on marriage! It's like poaching pandas! They should be encouraging this. These marriages could set a good example for other Japanese. A Japanese is getting married in these connections after all; how bad can that be?
Other steps must be taken to reverse these discouraging trends. While I have been active in promoting ideas in this regard (see links above), this is no time to rest on my laurels. I need to keep pushing for new and cutting edge concepts to reverse this course.
Fortunately, I keep abreast of scientific discoveries and happened upon this important information about women's eggs.
You CAN make tiny omelets out of them after all!
Ha! Ha! Just kidding ladies.
No, the research being done reveals that contrary to popular belief, women are not born with a finite number of eggs, but retain the stem cells to produce them throughout their lives. Men also can continue to produce viable sperm until a very advanced age, but the problem seems to be in the "housing" for these reproductive cells. You know... their bodies.
Putting this in easy-to-understand, layman's terms, imagine you are an egg stem cell. At first the up-market neighborhood where you live is lively, growing and full of energy. Naturally, you want to send new eggs out into this welcoming world to find their way and blossom to a better tomorrow. The new sperm models are out too!
But then, as time passes, the old neighborhood starts to fall into decline. Most of the neighbors are cranky, old coots and even some of the nearby houses turn into crack dens. Leering, geezer sperms prowl the streets looking for trouble. Would you want to send your innocent eggs out into a world like this? Of course not. So you plop down on the sofa with the windows barred and watch TV all day in your night gown.
What you don't realize, however, is that withdrawing like this is the very reason for the general decline in the neighborhood!
The same applies to sperm stem cells. After a period of feeling young, dapper and full of oats, they suddenly wake up from their priapic fantasies and see how much their neighborhood has gone downhill. Even the eggs they see hanging around are past their best-by dates. Depressed, they simply give up and wallow in binge drinking and sleeping on the floor with dogs. With dogs!
So scientists want to provide "incentives" for you – the egg or sperm stem cell – to get up off your fat butt, clean up and start sending eggs or sperm out into the world to unite against the challenges you may experience there!
This could reverse many of the symptoms of menopause or – since the experiments are done in mice – "mouseopause" as those forever funny scientists call it. Similar work can be done on men as well. Aging mice have basically been made young again with this cutting edge technology!
The Japanese government needs to get cracking. Along with developing housing for the evacuees from the tsunami and nuclear power plant accident, it also must work on stimulating the "housing" for the poor, reproductive stem cells. Certain proteins have proven to be successful in this effort, so Japan needs to take dramatic steps in these cutting-edge fields. Let's face it, the percentage of people over the age of 65 in Japan is already close to one in four! These people are just farting around, soaking up national resources, and playing golf. Golf! They cannot be allowed to simply go to pasture. No! They need to do their part to help save the Japanese as well. Only by recruiting the "housing challenged" and "stimulating" them to do their part, can Japan expect to see a reversal in its inexorable population decline.