In an earlier post, I provided some helpful guidance for how to appreciate German wines, so today as a follow-up I would like to help raise the level of sophistication in enjoying white wines.
Most of the people I know just swill wine without making any more comment than "this is not bad" while they open the brown paper bag to see what the label looks like. But sometimes even we winos have to drink wine in posh circles – with friends who know the names of wines before they buy them and who pay attention to the niceties of the wine experience.
Most winos think that the problem is the vocabulary. They believe that nothing labels you an indiscriminate lush more than using the wrong words to talk about the wine your host has served you.
Scenario* (at a party where the host is serving wine from a carefully chilled bottle with a white towel wrapped around it)
Host: Here, try this wine. I just read about it in the New York Times and have been drinking nothing BUT for the past couple of weeks. It is SO wonderful.
You: Oh... thank you so much.
Host: (looking expectantly) Well? Aren't you going to take a sip? I am sure you will be amazed!
You: Oh... certainly (taking a sip). Yes... it certainly IS amazing!
Host: Isn't it? What do you think?
You: Yeah... like you said... er... amazing! I really like white wine! It's my favor...
Host: No, I mean about the flavor! What do you sense in the flavor?
You: Oh! The flavor! Yes... truly amazing.
Host: (actually looking down his nose at you even though you are much taller than he is) I see... (moving to another guest) Delores! Here, try this new wine discovery I have made!
Delores: (tasting the wine) Oh, Percy! This is just fabulous! It has such balance and is so clean and direct. Oh my... such a sense of coiled energy with a succulent hint of floral and mineral flavors. Do I detect a note of smoky oak?
Host: (beaming) Yes! And the finish – like crème brûlée! It's a marvelous chardonnay!
Not only are you embarrassed by your complete lack of social skills, but you are also hurt by the fact that the host won't pour you any more wine. Delores gets the refills, and you are left high and dry.
You need to learn to act and talk like the wine expert you are! This will ensure that you not only fit in with the upper crust but that you will also get your fair share of the wine being passed around. In fact, the better you are at showing your expertise, the more wine you will get to drink, so there is a major incentive in picking up this important information.
Fortunately, it's not difficult.
As far as vocabulary is concerned, most wine reviewers write such blatantly ridiculous stuff that you can pretty much string together any words you want and come out sounding like an expert. You do have to pay attention to some basic points. First and foremost among them is whether the wine you are drinking is a white wine or a red. Describing a red as tasting like "honey and brioche" will get you in trouble every time, as will calling a white "dark and earthy"†, so pay attention as the wine is being poured as to it's color.
Most importantly, however, you have to watch your demeanor. You can't just toss it back and wipe your mouth with your sleeve. It's important to pretend that you are savoring the experience and the wine.
Scenario (at a party where the host is serving wine from a carefully chilled bottle with a white towel wrapped around it)
Host: Here, I am dying for you to try this wine. I just read about it in the New York Times and have been drinking nothing BUT for the past couple of weeks. It is SO wonderful.
You: What an amazing color! (swirling the wine gently in the glass) Thank you. (putting your nose into the glass to pretend to enjoy its fragrance) Do I detect hints of Key lime pie and grapefruit?
Host: (beaming) Yes... the fruit is awesome.
You: (taking a large sip but holding it with sophistication in your mouth) Oh yes, the sweet buttered popcorn flavors are distinctive but not overwhelming.
Host: Yes... it is so complex!
Delores: That sounds so good....
You: (swallowing) And the finish is redolent of vanilla oak with a mineral hint of salt of the sea and a lick of cold granite. It's truly an excellent choice, Percy!
Host: Here let me refill your glass. And I have more bottles over there on ice, just help yourself!
Delores: How about me? I want to tell you about the wine too!
With practice, you can make your conversations go more like this, and you will be well on your way to appearing more cultured and getting even more wine in the process.
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* All expressions in this article were found among descriptions of chardonnay wines
† except this one
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